My Mother....

It has been almost two months since my mother passed away. And I still haven't had a good cry. Life is too busy that I wanted to stop the time and just spend one whole day alone. But on the other hand, keeping myself busy helps, in a way that it keeps my mind occupied and makes the day go fast. But still, I want peace, solemn peace with myself. Of course I appreciate the company of friends, the comfort my family gives and all that. I guess it's because I still beat myself with guilt, that I was never there for my mother. I know she understands me why I can't be with her physically but she knows I am with her in spirit and she's always in my heart, in my mind and in my prayers. I even have dreams of her...talking to her and me asking forgiveness...and she said it's okay. I know she's not suffering now. She's now sleeping in her death and will wake up again when Jesus would call upon those in the memorial tombs. And that's what keeps me happy in a way. That it won't be too long that I will see her again, in perfect health and young-looking. Together with my father, it will be a grand reunion and lots of keeping up. It's just not easy to accept that I have no parents anymore. I lost my father when I was 8. I am fortunate that my mother lived 74 years. And she gets to see me get married, which is her dream all these years. I want to dedicate this blog to her great contribution in the christian congregation and as a mother of five.
My eldest brother is only 17 and just finished high school when my father died, and I am only in my 2nd grade. But my mother, unselfish for not remarrying and focus herself instead on raising us, gets a job in the local community and make some money. To feed us, dress us and keep us in school. Good thing we got nice public schools then. All those years that she spent for us, without thinking about her own happiness is a big sacrifice. She worked as a seamstress in a baby clothes factory and when we got typhoon, the roads get heavily flooded but she has no choice but walk on the flood and that's how she got her arthritis. Then, she pioneered for many many years and had helped ones to come to the truth. Some are now elders, some are regular pioneers and many who are used to be inactive came back. I am glad that i am still in Manila when she has that part in the assembly where she was interviewed for helping those who are inactive to come back to the organization.
My mother is not perfect. She has her own weaknesses too, like everyone of us. She had trouble herself getting my own relatives and even some of her kids to embrace the truth. But I know she did her best. When her health is getting weak because of diabetes, she had a hard time quitting as a regular pioneer. Instead she applied for continuous auxilliary pioneer which requires less hours. She just can't stop sharing the truth about Jehovah to other people. I remember she used to tell us how she found the truth. It's because she asked for it. She had doubts about her own faith then. She had questions that her church cannot answer. She has come to her senses and start to ask herself if those church traditions she's following is really what God wants? So she prayed for it. She wants the truth. And her prayers were answered. So, i'd say we as her kids are "fortunate"....because it was because of her that we get to know the true God.
Just a few hours before she sleeps in death, i get to talk to her on the phone. Although she can hardly speaks, I know that she knows that it's me she's hearing. Atleast, it makes me feel good that I got to talk to her in her last few hours.
It's a wonderful thing knowing the hope about resurrection. The talk on Sunday morning session during our district convention made me cry. And it's about faith on things unseen and the last part is about faith that the dead ones will rise again and we'd get to see our dead loved ones back to life. I can't help it, i ran to the restroom and cried. I was comforted by one of the sisters from our congregation who happens to be in the restroom too and i like the way she puts it, " Don't worry Irene, she's just napping." There's a sudden smile in my heart when she said "napping". It's true, it won't be a long sleep anymore. It won't be long that she'd wake up again. So it's like only a "nap". And it's gonna be happier to see both my parents come back to life again.
I just hope my family will be complete when we get to see them. I hope my mother's death will serve as inspiration for them and for me too, to strive hard and be more zealous in Jehovah's service. because there's nothing like a Hope like this. Knowing the truth really sets you free. Free from fear, free from false teachings, free from being hopeless and free from man-made traditions and superstitions.